


be yourself someday

by twistedsky



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedsky/pseuds/twistedsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy and Karma's story through a culinary lens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	be yourself someday

**Author's Note:**

> For Sam(bisexualkarmaashcroft on tumblr).

**one**

The first time they eat together, it’s because Karma sees Amy sitting alone in the school cafeteria, and she wanders over and plants herself across from her. “Hi,” she says. “I’m Karma.”

Amy looks up from her apple and her sad excuse for a lunch. “Amy,” she says. “Do you have anything good in there?” she nods to Karma’s lunchbag.

“Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then this thing—uhh, it’s all mushy and gross.”

“Ew,” Amy says, making a face. “I was going to offer a trade, but ewww.”

“My mom makes a really good peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” Karma says, holding it up, but Amy shakes her head.

“I can't have peanut butter. I could die,” Amy says very seriously.

“Yikes,” Karma winces, making a face at her sandwich. “Then I won’t eat it either.”

“I won’t die if you eat it,” Amy points out.

“But if we’re going to be friends,” Karma says like it’s a done deal, “Then I shouldn’t eat things that could kill you.”

“Oh,” Amy says, a little surprised. “Cool.”

“Cool,” Karma echoes with a smile, pushing her sandwich aside and reaching for the gross gooey stuff.

And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

~~

**two**

Fake dating is hard, because sometimes it involves _actual_ dates, just to be careful, just to really sell it, you know?

There are kisses during picnics in the middle of campus during lunch, very public out of school dates, and they feed each other in the school cafeteria with fake loving smiles.

Well, Karma’s are fake, Amy’s guessing.

Amy’s though? She’s not sure.

She’s eating lunch with Karma in the middle of the quad, and Karma is stealing her french fries as per usual, but Amy doesn’t mind.

She never minds, because it’s _Karma_.

Karma is her best friend, and probably the most important person in her life.

Amy thinks she’ll never get used to kissing Karma, to feeling that rush of pure and utter joy when they’re pretending, because pretending is more than anything she's ever had before.

She’s never felt this way, and it’s all a lie.

Karma’s crushing on Liam Booker, and Amy’s—Amy’s completely lost, she realizes.

Karma stops stealing french fries and grabs her cookie container, holding it out to Amy, who takes one with a smile. “Thanks.”

Karma just nods, and bites into her own. “I love you for this, Amy. Things are finally going our way. I’ve never been this happy,” she says softly, smiling slightly.

Amy starts to reach out for Karma’s free hand, and then pulls back nervously. “I’m glad,” Amy says. “And I love you too, you know.” There's something weird about how it feels to say that, even though they've been friends for years, and she's probably said it a million times. 

“I’m glad we’re friends,” Karma says. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Yeah,” Amy agrees, her world toppling on its side. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either."

~~

**three**

Amy's mother's wedding reception should be fun. Karma should be sitting next to Amy, and they should be eating cake and possibly mocking people. Instead, Amy is throwing herself a one-person pity party.

She hates herself, she thinks. This never should have happened.

If only she’d been smarter, if she’d cut these feelings off at the first sign of them, then she wouldn’t be sitting alone and eating cake, and oh look,  _Lauren’s_ here too, because life literally could not get shittier.

She eats the cake, commiserates with Lauren, and then reaches for the champagne.

~~

**four**

They snack on the couch while they watch their Twilight marathon.

Everything is normal now, Amy tells herself. Everything is just fine.

They’re friends, just as they should be, and this delicate balance of lies and inconvenient feelings will simply be swept under the rug where it all belongs.

Amy takes a bite of her brownie, and she swears she could eat the entire pan, because that’s just how she feels right now.

There’s so much they can’t say to each other now, and everything is buried under layers of references and ambiguous digs.

Amy’s guilty of many of the latter, because she’s jealous and awful, and _petty_.

She’s not proud of these traits of hers, but she can recognize them(and ignore them too, when she chooses).

“Brownie?” she asks, holding the pan out to Karma.

“Sure,” Karma says, picking up a pre-cut square.

Amy wonders if it’ll always be this way, if their friendship will always be stilted now, layers upon layers of words that don’t mean what they actually mean, and arguments about characters that are really about _them_.

She wonders if they might be better off cutting their losses now—and the thought terrifies her, because this is Karma, and Amy can’t lose her.

She loves her, for better or worse.

 ~~ **  
**

**five**

"Why did you act like that?" Amy is exhausted by all of this. She's trying to move on, to love someone else, but instead Karma is trying alienate Reagan.

It starts with the communal dinner, and continues  _every single time_ they ever get together.

"I'm trying," Karma hisses out. "I am trying," she repeats, a little more calmly this time. 

"You threw  _food_ at her hair when she wasn't looking. Are you five years old? Why are you being like this?" Amy wants to scream so badly, because she doesn't understand. "Is this about Liam--you said you  _forgave_ me, but I guess that was too much to hope for. Is this your revenge?"

Karma just stares back at her, mouth open in shock. "I--" she sputters. "I would never do that."

"Do you hate me?" Amy asks, and she's crying now, because it hurts so much.

"No, Amy--" Karma shakes her head. "I did, I forgave you, I could never hate you."

Amy wants to start pacing, but she tries to shake the nervous energy off. No, no. 

" _Why?"_ she asks plaintively. "Please, why?"

"I don't  _know_ ," Karma tells her. "I just, I'm trying not to, I just can't control myself when I'm around her."

"So you hate Reagan," Amy says. "Why? What did she ever do to you?"

"You know," Karma says softly. "You do."

"Is it what Liam said?" Amy shakes her head. "No, that can't be right. You are not jealous because you're supposed to be the most important person in my life. You're not that selfish."

Karma says nothing now.

"You're not," Amy says again. "I know you. But this--this I don't know. And I can't do this anymore."

"Amy,  _please_ ," Karma says, but then she stops, hesitating. 

"I'm here when you figure it out," Amy says softly. "But until then, maybe we should take a break."

"Amy, no--"

But it's necessary, Amy thinks. It has to be this way.

~~

_**six** _

 "Delicious," Karma says.

"It's good," Amy agrees. "There isn't kale in it, at least." 

"Or peanuts," Karma adds, taking a bite of her pasta. 

"Yeah."

It's their first date. Their first  _real_ date, and it's oddly awkward. 

Maybe it's because she's still waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her, for Karma to say, 'nope, just kidding, I don't actually have feelings for you,' but it doesn't feel quite right.

She's been friends with Karma since kindergarten, and they've never been so awkward with each other, not even after Amy had told her how she felt, which had led to veiled arguments and awkward silences.

"Do you want to get dessert?" Amy asks. 

Karma smiles slightly. "You know me. I never turn down sweets."

"Cool," Amy says, and she looks back down at her food.

She can't seem to figure out anything meaningful to say. 

"Is it just me--" she starts to say at the same time that Karma says, "I'm so sorry--"

Amy looks back up at Karma. "You first."

Karma sighs and squares her shoulders. "I feel like this is awkward. And it's my fault. I shouldn't have asked you out on such a date-like thing right out of the gate. I should have gone with a movie, or something that doesn't lead to such awkward silences. I just--"

"Didn't imagine we'd have so many awkward silences?" Amy supplies, and Karma nods. "Me neither."

They stare at each other for a moment, then look back down at their food in unison. 

"So what were you going to say?" Karma asks. "Sorry, I got a little distracted."

"Oh," Amy says, scrunching her nose up. She really doesn't want to say, but if she doesn't, then how is Karma supposed to know?

There are no mind readers here.

"I keep thinking that at the end of the date you're going to say, 'well, okay, we tried, it failed, I guess I'm not into you after all,'" Amy admits quietly.

Amy keeps her eyes trained on her food.

"Oh, Amy," Karma says, and Amy's eyes flicker up to look at her.

"I know, I'm being stupid, but I just--" Amy sighs.

"No, no, you aren't. It makes sense. I just can't promise anything, I can't promise that a few months from now that you and I are going to be happy and in love, but I  _can_ promise you that I want this," Karma tells her, her voice steady and clear.

Amy tries to clamp down on the hope that threatens to overwhelm her. "Do you mean that?" 

"I do," Karma assures her. "I'm still figuring things out, but I'm not confused. I know how I feel about you, okay?"

Amy searches Karma's face, and finds only sincerity. "Okay," she says. "Do you want to get chocolate cake for dessert?"

A relieved look crosses Karma's face, and she smiles. "Hell yes."

~~

Later, Karma leans forward and kisses Amy, and she tastes like chocolate still, which makes Amy smile.

"Okay," Amy says when they pull apart. "Next time, we just start with that, how does that sound?"

"Perfect," Karma replies with a smile. "Absolutely perfect."


End file.
